


Beautiful

by TrueIllusion



Series: Familiarity [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, POV Brian Kinney (Queer as Folk), Physical Disability, Post-Canon, Romance, Wedding Fluff, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 22:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16396331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueIllusion/pseuds/TrueIllusion
Summary: Two years after their canceled wedding, Brian and Justin are engaged again. Brian has something big planned for Justin.





	Beautiful

_“I finally thought of one good reason to do it.”_

_“And what is that one good reason?”_

_“To prove to the person that I love, how much I love him. That I would give him anything. I would do anything, I’d be anything, to make him happy.”_

*****

Brian didn’t particularly like the idea of keeping something from Justin, but he really wanted this to be a surprise for him. He hadn’t realized just how the whole thing had looked from Justin’s end, though -- with all of the time he was spending away from home, and the fact that he was often coming home exhausted -- until Justin confronted him about it. And then he felt terrible for making Justin worry about him. Justin had probably figured his cancer was back, even though he hadn’t said anything to that effect. And Christ, it hurt that Justin thought he would keep something like that from him, but what other point of reference did he have? Given Brian’s history, it shouldn’t have surprised him that Justin thought that. Brian hoped he’d successfully managed to convince Justin that everything was okay, without having to give away what he was really working on.

On a Monday afternoon in mid-December, Brian was sitting in his wheelchair at his physical therapist’s office, in a room full of various equipment. This was where he’d been spending a lot of his time lately, because he wanted to stand next to Justin when he married him, instead of sitting. And he was going to do it. But not because of some miracle -- that was completely out the realm of possibility for Brian, whose spinal cord injury was considered “complete” and had remained unchanged since the day he’d woken up in the hospital and felt like his legs were gone. He was going to do it with leg braces and crutches, and it took a shit ton of stamina and effort, but he was determined to do it.

Today, he’d have one last practice run, then they’d pack up all of his equipment and ship it off to Michael’s house in Pittsburgh, so he could be the one to bring it all to Boston. Justin wouldn’t find out about any of it until right before they got married. The moment when they’d stand beside one another, and their two lives would merge into one.

He’d talked with Michael a couple of days before, to let Michael know what his plan was, and to hammer out the details of what needed to happen to be sure everything went off without a hitch.

“Fuck, dude, that’s awesome!” Michael had said. “I didn’t… I guess I didn’t realize that was an option for you.”

“Well, it’s really fucking tiring, and it kind of makes my back sore, so I’m still not sure it’s a great option...but it will let me accomplish what I wanted to do. And it does feel kind of good to stretch my body out again, upright. I didn’t think I was ever going to feel that again.”

“So how does it feel to be over six feet tall again? Man, I kind of liked being taller than you for once in our lives,” Michael teased.

“Yeah, don’t get too used to it,” Brian laughed. “It’s weird. It sort of feels like my upper body is floating in space. But, I kind of feel that way all the time, so it’s just from a different height, with a hell of a lot less balance.”

“Well, be careful. Don’t hurt yourself.” There it was. Michael trying to mother him, as usual.

“Why do you think I’m doing this under supervision? I’m not an idiot, Mikey.”

“I know. I just worry about you.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “You worry about everything. Always have, always will.”

“I’m really proud of you, you know.”

“Christ, talking to you really is like talking to a mother.”

“Shut up. I am proud of you. You’ve come really far since… well… everything.”

“So eloquent, Michael.”

“You know what I mean. You’re getting out there and doing things again. Shaking things up the way you always did before. You never do anything half-assed. And now, you’re getting married.”

“Are you going to cry at the wedding? If you are, I might have to consider getting a new best man. Is Ben available?”

“Brian!”

“Kidding, I’m kidding.”

“I know. But yeah, I might cry. Only because I’m happy for you. I’m happy that you’ve found what you want in life.”

Fuck, this phone call had taken a seriously sappy turn. But Brian had to admit that he was happy too. He was really looking forward to finally tying the knot with Justin, which felt like a very un-Brian-Kinney-like thing to say. At least, for a previous iteration of Brian Kinney. This one was a little bit different. Changed for the better, he guessed.

“So, are you in for bringing everything with you to Boston?” Brian asked, trying to get the conversation back on track.

“Of course. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. Just let me know where and when, and I’m on it.”

“Great, thanks.”

“I can’t wait. I’m serious. I’m so happy for you.”

“You already said that.”

“I want you to know I mean it.”

“I have to go, Mikey,” Brian said. Really, he just wanted to get off the phone before the conversation got any mushier.

“Okay,” Michael said. “See you soon. Love you.”

“Always have.”

“Always will.”

He’d also needed to enlist the help of Daphne and Jennifer, so they’d be able to help keep Justin away from him, at least for a little while, on the day of the ceremony. Both of them were thrilled at the idea and more than willing to help Brian carry out his plan. They each said they couldn’t wait to see the look on Justin’s face. Neither could Brian.

So, here he was, sitting in the physical therapist’s office, having changed into the clothes he planned to wear to his wedding, ready for his “dress rehearsal.” Making sure everything would go off without a hitch, with no wardrobe-related malfunctions.

The PT he’d been working with since he moved to New York, Jamie, was a petite woman, but she fucking meant business. She could probably kick his ass if she wanted to, even if he still had the use of his legs. She was exactly the kind of show-no-mercy person that he wanted and needed, to push him and make him believe that he could do something, even if it was hard. And she wasn’t afraid to curse at work. She was Brian’s kind of woman.

When she walked into the room and found Brian fully dressed in his wedding suit, she whistled.

“It’s such a shame you’re gay, you know,” she said, laughing and shaking her head. Her long, brown ponytail swung behind her. Her smile had always reminded Brian of Justin’s -- bright, big, and sincere. “But, that’s what they say...all the good ones are gay or married. I hope your boyfriend knows what a lucky guy he is. Hell, I’d marry you right here and now.”

“I’m the lucky one,” Brian said. “He puts up with all my shit.”

“I could put up with a lot of shit for a guy who looks like you. But seriously, I can’t wait to hear all about it. You have to call me when you get back and let me know how it went. I’m going to miss seeing you all the time. But I think you’ve officially fully graduated from my care -- you’re strong, you’re independent, you’re kicking ass. And now you’re learning to walk.”

Brian snorted. “I’m not sure I’d call it walking. Walking seems overly generous.”

“Bullshit. It’s walking. And I know it’s hard as hell. You’re working your ass off to do this. Call it walking.”

Truthfully, Brian had a hard time thinking of it as walking. Walking was easy. Walking was effortless. Walking was what you learned to do as a toddler. Walking was something he’d been told a year and a half ago that he’d never do again. He’d been handed down a sentence of life in a wheelchair, because of a brief moment of stupidity -- the decision to drive too fast in the rain on a curvy, mountain road. He’d met a lot of people in rehab who seemed to hold out hope that one day they’d miraculously recover function and sensation and be able to walk again. But Brian had never had that hope. He wasn’t sure if it was depression talking back then or what, but he’d immediately resigned himself to his fate, and set forth to wallowing in it.

Sure, he did what he needed to do, gritted his teeth and pushed himself and learned everything he needed to learn in order to “graduate” from rehab and go home and get back to his life so he could be miserable in peace, but through it all, he’d still been wallowing. Feeling sorry for himself. Not really knowing where to go from there. Then, Justin had re-entered his life, and slowly everything started to shift and change. Brian was no longer just thinking of Brian -- he was thinking of Justin as well. He had a new reason to live his life fully. At least, as fully as he could. But calling this walking? It felt like false hope. Like he was laying claim to some miracle that he knew would never come. Miracles weren’t reality. And Brian was a realist. This wasn't walking. It was standing, and it was moving, and he kind of liked it, but it wasn’t walking. And there wasn’t anything wrong with that.

“So, are you ready?” Jamie was standing in front of him now, handing him a pair of forearm crutches. He’d use them to help push himself up to a standing position, which would cause the knee joints on the leg braces he had on under his suit pants to automatically lock the moment his legs were fully extended, so he could propel himself by swinging his lower body through the crutches, over and over until he got to his destination. For the purpose of the wedding, though, he was primarily interested in standing. He’d really only have to go a few “steps” -- the real challenge was going to be standing there, and balancing, for the entire ceremony without falling over.

It was such a strange sensation, feeling like you were standing on legs that didn’t belong to you. He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Michael that it felt like he was floating. It sort of did. He’d gotten used to how that felt while sitting, but standing was a whole different ball game. And balancing on his feet wasn’t anywhere near as easy as balancing on his butt. Gravity was a bitch, and his center of gravity was a hell of a lot higher when standing.

He took the crutches from Jamie, locked the brakes on his chair, double checked them to be sure they were secure, then began the process they’d practiced so many times before. Pushing himself up was probably the most difficult part, although none of it was particularly easy. But he’d come a long way since they’d first started working on this, when he could barely stand between the parallel bars. The first time he’d tried it, it had actually given him a head rush, making him a little dizzy and lightheaded, simply because his body wasn’t used to standing anymore. That didn’t happen now, and they hadn’t used the parallel bars at all in over a month.

Jamie now just stood by and watched, no longer needing to be ready to steady him if he started to lose his balance. Brian still couldn’t believe the vast amount of energy this seemingly simple action took. It felt a lot easier now than it had a few months ago, but it still took a lot out of him. It was worth it though. It wouldn’t be long now before all of the sweat and the tears and the effort paid off, when he met Justin’s eyes on their wedding day. When he wouldn’t be having to look up at him as they said their vows. They’d do it face to face, at eye level.

It still felt more than a bit surreal to Brian that he’d asked Justin to marry him nearly six months before. They’d finally made it home after a hellish day of air travel, and they were lying together in their bed, in the apartment they shared. Everything had slowly fallen into place between Christmas and then. Justin had found out Brian’s secret in Debbie’s living room on Christmas Eve, and he’d somehow forgiven Brian for not being honest with him. Best of all, Justin didn’t seem to care about everything that was different about Brian. Nothing shocked him, and nothing left him unsettled. Justin had been there for Brian while he navigated his way through a whole lot of shit, and it wasn’t pretty, but through it all, Justin had never faltered.

Lying in bed that night, on the anniversary of his accident, Brian’s thoughts had been consumed by how much his life had changed in the past year. He’d spent a good part of the day frustrated and angry at the world. Just about everything that could have gone wrong that day, had. He remembered how thankful he’d been when they landed that one more thing hadn’t gone wrong, and he hadn’t also pissed himself due to his own lack of planning, which would certainly have turned his frustration into embarrassment, and wasn’t a situation he wanted to subject Justin to if he could help it. That hadn’t happened to him in a long time, and he hoped it never would again. Then again, this shit was unpredictable. You had to just roll with it sometimes, even when it was frustrating. And through everything that did happen that day, Justin had stayed right there, calm and collected, even when Brian was being uncooperative and unreasonable. Bringing Brian back to his center, and helping him roll with it, even when he didn’t want to. And Brian had realized on that long flight home that he wanted nothing more than to commit to spending the rest of his life with Justin. Thankfully, Justin had wanted the exact same thing. Now, it was happening. Less than two weeks left until they’d be married men.

Brian and Jamie had spent their last several visits mostly working on endurance -- how long Brian could stand and balance. Leaning and balancing on one crutch to free up one hand, so he’d be able to put the ring on Justin’s finger without falling over. Simple actions that most people take for granted on their wedding day, that Brian was having to work very hard to make happen. He was able to stand for fifteen minutes now. That might not sound like a victory to most people, but for someone who hadn’t stood for over a year, it was.

Once he was upright and had taken a few steps toward Jamie, she joked that she wanted him to practice his vows, so she could at least pretend she was the one marrying him. She had him practice lifting one hand, putting it back down and lifting the other, and he noticed that he finally didn’t feel like he was losing his balance when he did that.

Then they stood and talked for a while, shooting the shit about their mutual interests in music and books, until Jamie basically called time by directing Brian to make his way over to his chair, where he released the locking mechanism at his knees and made a less-than-graceful descent back to being seated. There was absolutely no way to make it graceful, since it was essentially an uncontrolled freefall back into his wheelchair the second his knees started to bend. But it worked. And he couldn’t feel his ass anyway, so whatever.

Jamie dragged a stool over to where he sat and took a seat herself so they’d be at eye level. She sniffed and pretended to wipe a tear from her cheek.

“My baby’s all grown up,” she said. “I’m so proud.”

“Christ, don’t go getting all sentimental on me. You sound like my friend Michael.”

“He’s the one we’re shipping all of this stuff to, right?”

“Yeah. He’s my best man. We’ve been friends for a long time. He’s been there for me through a lot. And he was there through all of this shit,” Brian gestured to his chair, “from the beginning. We may not always agree on everything, but he’s a good man.”

“Sounds like it. A lot of people lose friends when something like this happens to them, because their friends don’t know what to do or say, or they’re afraid they’ll say the wrong thing, so they don’t come around at all. It’s sad, really. You’re lucky that didn’t happen. So, what do you say we get you out of those braces, and get everything packed up to send to Michael?”

They did exactly that, and Brian changed back into his jeans and sweater. Then Jamie sent him on his way with a hug and a pat on the back, making him promise that he’d send her pictures and tell her all about it when they got back to New York.

As he made his way back home on the subway, Brian was smiling to himself in anticipation. Fuck, he thought, who would have ever predicted Brian Kinney would be looking forward to getting married and settling down? How had something that, at first, seemed to destroy his life, ended up making it even better?

He knew exactly what his mother would have said in response to that kind of question. He could almost hear her voice in his head: “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Except, in this case, Brian was fairly sure that the Lord’s mysterious ways wouldn’t quite match up with what Joan Kinney would have wanted. And Brian didn’t really give a shit what she thought anymore. He’d moved on from that. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to be invited to their wedding reception in Pittsburgh. They’d celebrate with their real family -- the one they’d chosen to be a part of. The one that loved them unconditionally.

The sun was setting, and a light snow was falling as Brian emerged from the subway station and made his way to their apartment building. By the time he rolled into the lobby, he had a light dusting of flakes on the shoulders of his coat and the garment bag in his lap that held his suit. He’d never been a huge fan of snow, and he definitely wasn’t now that it made it even more difficult for him to get somewhere, but he knew Justin liked it. He thought it was pretty -- picturesque, he said. Justin loved how it blanketed everything and made even the busiest landscape look peaceful. Beautiful. Brian tried to see the snow through Justin’s eyes, but it never seemed to work. He still saw it as a huge pain in the ass.

Right now, though, there wasn’t much that could have ruined Brian’s good mood. Not even snow.

Justin was in the kitchen, rummaging around in the refrigerator, when Brian came into the apartment. He laid his suit over the back of a chair, then came up behind Justin and grabbed the younger man around the waist, pulling him down into his lap and kissing his cheek.

“Hi, honey, I’m home,” he said, grinning.

“Hey,” Justin said as he turned around to look over his shoulder at Brian. “What’s got you so happy?”

“Just thinking about where we’ll be in a week and a half. In Boston, getting married. I picked up my suit today.”

Justin turned himself sideways a little, so he could kiss Brian on the lips.

“I can’t fucking wait,” Justin said.

“Me either,” Brian said, wrapping his arms around Justin. “Hey, I’m cold,” he whispered suggestively in Justin’s ear. “Do you think you could warm me up?”

“I think that can be arranged.”

“Shall I give you a ride?”

Justin’s answer came in the form of a long kiss with quite a bit of tongue, which Brian interpreted to mean “yes.” He swiveled around and wheeled both of them into the bedroom, where they helped each other shed their clothes, then enjoyed some impromptu pre-dinner sex that certainly warmed him up and made him feel even better about what was to come. This was one of the many things he had to look forward to, for the rest of his life.

Ten days later, they were checking into a hotel in Boston, with Jennifer, Daphne, Michael, and Ben standing behind them. The next day, they would be going to Boston City Hall to be married.

Michael and Ben had an extra suitcase, which Brian hoped Justin either wouldn’t notice or wouldn’t ask questions about. They’d had a huge pile of luggage between all of them when they’d gotten in the cab -- well, the minivan, really -- at the airport. It had blended in pretty well then, but now it was starting to stand out more, although Brian wasn’t sure if that was just his own perception because he knew what was in that suitcase. He hoped that was the case, because he knew Michael was a terrible liar -- he always had been, even when they were kids -- and he didn’t know if Ben was any better. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to find out.

They had reservations for dinner that night at a pricey steakhouse -- their version of a rehearsal dinner, since there would be no rehearsal. Brian was getting better at advocating for himself when he called and made reservations at restaurants -- asking them questions about accessibility. He still felt self-conscious that he was having to ask the questions at all, but it was lessening each time he did it. Sometimes he had to remember that he was still new at this. And, as some of the more “experienced” friends he’d made through his support group back home in New York were always telling him, it did get easier. Eventually, everything would feel natural, and he wouldn’t give it a second thought. He wouldn’t even be thinking about what his life was like before, as a walking person. But right now, Brian was still waiting for that day to arrive.

When they got to the restaurant, Brian was halfway expecting it to not be as accessible as they’d claimed to be on the phone, as had happened to him several times before while setting up meetings with clients in both New York and Pittsburgh. But he was pleasantly surprised to find that they had plenty of open space in the dining room, and the tables were high enough to be comfortable for him. They really made it a great experience, without having him constantly thinking about how he was different from their average patron.

They ordered a round of cocktails, and as soon as their drinks were delivered, Michael proposed a toast.

“Oh God, here we go,” Brian moaned, pretending to be horrified. “We’re beginning the rituals of the heterosexual suicide pact.”

“Shut up and let me say some nice things about you two, okay?” Michael said, giving Brian a playful shove. “I’m the best man -- I’m supposed to give a toast. Anyhow, we’ve been friends for more than twenty years, and if there’s one thing I know about Brian Kinney, it’s that when he wants something, there isn’t anyone or anything that can stop him from getting it. And Brian Kinney met his match in Justin Taylor seven years ago on Liberty Avenue. Someone just as stubborn as he is, who isn’t afraid to stand up to him. Life has thrown both of you a lot of curveballs, but you’ve come through all of it stronger than ever. And always together. I know I haven’t always been the biggest supporter of your relationship, and I wish I could take that back, but I want both of you to know that you have my full support. Justin, thank you for making my best friend happier than I’ve ever seen him. I’m glad you’ve both found the person who completes you, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

They clinked their glasses together and each took a sip. Brian took more of a gulp. He really wasn’t much for the sentimentality of speech-making, so he hoped that no one else wanted to make a toast, but Daphne didn’t waste any time stepping in.

“I’d like to say a few words as well, as the best woman” she said, winking at Justin. “When Justin first told me that he’d seen the face of God, and his name was Brian Kinney, I thought he was crazy for chasing after someone who was so much older than we were. If I’m remembering correctly, I think I said you were old and skinny.” She paused and laughed as she smiled at Brian. “But, as time went on, I saw what he saw in you. How right you were for each other. How much you both cared about each other, in your own way. I know it hasn’t been an easy road for either of you, but you’ve made it. I’m so glad that you’re finally taking the step to make it ‘forever.’ Congratulations.”

They toasted again, and Brian hoped there would be no more speeches tonight. He looked at Jennifer warily. She made eye contact with him and smiled.

“No big speech from me,” she said. “But I am glad that I’m finally going to be your mother-in-law. Thanks for making my son so happy.”

Fuck, this whole marriage thing was about the most sappy and sentimental ritual on the planet. Brian really didn’t know what to say or do. He was completely out of his element. All he’d done for Michael and Ben’s wedding was show up with a cake and some champagne. He wanted someone to come and take their food orders, so there would at least be a distraction. Justin seemed to pick up on the fact that Brian was feeling increasingly uncomfortable, and reached over to take his hand, then offered a reassuring smile. The light in the restaurant was making his blue eyes sparkle.

“Love you,” Justin whispered.

Brian squeezed Justin’s hand in silent response.

The conversation for the rest of the meal was much more casual. Everyone ate too much, and they were all more than a little bit tipsy when they piled into the cab that would take them back to their hotel.

Brian and Justin enjoyed the fancy shower, together of course, in the suite Brian had splurged on for them -- you only get married once, he’d said. Then, they climbed into bed, where they lay awake for a while, their arms wrapped around each other in the darkness. Content to just be together.

“You know, there were a lot of times last year when I wondered if I would ever see the confident Brian again,” Justin said softly, breaking the silence. “The one who drew me in and made me want him so desperately when our eyes first met out on Liberty Avenue. I’m really glad he’s back. Glad you’re back.”

“I’m glad I’m back too,” Brian said. “And that I’m here, with you.”

Justin pulled Brian close and nestled his face into Brian’s shoulder. And they fell asleep exactly like that.

When morning came, it was their wedding day.

Brian woke up next to Justin, and shared coffee and a room service breakfast with him at the small table in their suite. They looked out the window at the fresh snow that had fallen while they were asleep, and Brian hoped that the sidewalks wouldn’t be a mess when it was time for them to head over to City Hall.

Around noon, Jennifer and Daphne showed up to kidnap Justin for a while, under the guise that it would be bad luck for Justin and Brian to spend the entire day leading up to their wedding together. Justin wasn’t buying the superstition, but he eventually gave in and agreed to go with them for lunch and some shopping.

In the meantime, Brian went out to lunch with Michael and Ben -- finding that the sidewalks were passable, thank god, because that was a complication he didn’t need today. After that, he accompanied them back to their room so he could retrieve everything he needed to complete the wedding day surprise he’d had in the works for months -- standing with Justin while they were married. Not long after Brian was fully dressed, wearing his braces under his suit, he heard a knock on the door. He quickly transferred himself from the bed back to his wheelchair and went to answer it, hoping it wasn’t Justin, since his crutches were laying on the bed and he didn’t have a good place to stash them right now. Justin shouldn’t have been knocking, because he had a key, but the kid was pretty prone to losing things, so who knows.

When Brian pulled the door open, though, Michael was on the other side.

“I wanted to come and see your skills, if you’re up for it,” he said.

“Sure. I could probably use the practice.” Brian rolled himself backward away from the doorway, so Michael could step in. “I just hope I don’t end up making a fool of myself.”

“You won’t,” Michael said.

“And I hope I can do it for the whole ceremony.”

“It won’t matter if you do it for the whole ceremony or just for a minute, Justin is going to be thrilled to see you do it. I know he will.”

Brian headed back into the bedroom, with Michael trailing behind him. He picked up his crutches off the bed and set to showing Michael what he’d learned over the past few months.

After he’d made his way across the room a couple of times, he backed up to his wheelchair, carefully positioning himself before releasing the locking mechanism and crash-landing back into the chair. When he looked up at Michael, his friend’s eyes were misty.

“Christ, Michael…” Brian sighed. “I’m not your fucking kid, taking my first steps.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Michael said as he swiped at his eyes with his hands. “But yeah, Justin is going to love seeing you do that.”

It wasn’t long before their 3 p.m. appointment time arrived, and it was time to put Brian’s plan into action, with the help of Michael and Ben.

The entire time they were waiting their turn at City Hall, Brian was more nervous than he’d ever been in his entire life. He remembered how scared he’d been -- of a bunch of teenagers, no less -- the night he’d walked into Justin’s prom. But that felt like nothing in comparison to this. He was sitting in his wheelchair, next to Justin, and everything looked normal, but he felt like he had a huge secret. And he did. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, the beat echoing in his ears. He had absolutely no idea how his plan was going to go. He hoped it would be as easy as it had felt in Jamie’s office the previous week. He looked down at his hands and realized they were shaking.

Justin looked down at them at almost the exact same time, then reached over and took them in his own, and raised his gaze to meet Brian’s. “Hey,” he said, his eyes full of concern. “Are you okay?”

Brian swallowed and nodded and tried to paste as sincere a smile as possible on his face. Get a hold of yourself, Kinney, he thought to himself.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked.

Brian was trying to formulate some sort of response when a door opened to their right and a middle-aged woman with graying hair and large, tortoise-shell glasses called their names. It was time. No more anticipating, no more thinking, no more worrying.

Right on cue, as five of them made their way into the room where Brian and Justin would be married, Ben disappeared. Jennifer took a seat, while Justin, Michael, and Daphne all took their places at the front of the room, alongside the Justice of the Peace who would be performing the ceremony. Brian stayed back a few feet from where he ultimately knew he wanted to end up, and Justin suddenly noticed that Ben was missing.

“Where did Ben go?” he asked.

“Oh, he’ll, um...he’ll be back in a minute,” Michael said. Christ, he really was the world’s worst liar.

It was only a few more seconds before Ben came into the room, carrying Brian’s crutches. Justin gave Ben a confused look, but Brian barely registered it because he was so fucking anxious about what he was about to do. His palms were sweating, and his ears were ringing, but there really wasn’t any time to think about that or to try to calm down. It was now, or never.

He took the crutches from Ben, and tried to keep his concentration and push the nervousness aside, remembering how many times he’d practiced this. Mentally putting himself back in Jamie’s office, where everything had been a lot more relaxed. Where he’d done this dozens of times. He locked the brakes on his chair, triple checked them this time because the last thing he wanted to do was fall on his ass in the middle of his own goddamn wedding, and pushed himself up to stand, then took three steps, coming to stand in front of Justin. Eye to eye and face to face.

In that moment, Brian wanted to memorize the look on Justin’s face -- a mixture of surprise and pure elation -- as he watched the tears well up in the younger man’s eyes. And, right then, every minute he’d spent and every ounce of effort he’d put into being able to stand in front of Justin to marry him, was worth it.

“Oh my God,” Justin said, just before he grabbed Brian and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in Brian’s collarbone as he let the tears go.

Brian wanted nothing more than to hug Justin back, but he was afraid if he let go of his crutches, he’d fall. “Hold me up,” he said quietly, just loudly enough for only Justin to hear. Justin hugged him even tighter, and Brian was able to wrap his own arms around Justin.

They stood there, holding each other, for a long time. Brian could feel Justin trembling against him as he cried. The tears in his own eyes were threatening to spill over.

“I haven’t hugged you like this in so long,” Justin whispered.

And that was all it took to send Brian over the edge. Now, they were both crying. When he’d thought up all of this, he’d never dreamed it would be quite this emotional. But now that the moment was here, it was almost overwhelming. He hoped he would be able to get through the rest of the ceremony, the way he’d originally planned. They continued holding each other, while Brian fought to regain his composure. Slowly, he moved his arms out from behind Justin’s back, then returned them to his crutches, finding his balance as Justin released him.

He looked around, and saw that there didn’t seem to be a dry eye in the house. Jennifer and Daphne were both dabbing at their eyes with tissues, and Brian could hear Michael sniffling behind him. Ben had never seemed to be an overly emotional guy, but his eyes were shining as well, as he handed his husband a tissue.

Justin and Brian both nodded at the Justice of the Peace, signaling that they were ready to begin the ceremony. Justin laid each of his hands over Brian’s and smiled at him. Brian took a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling himself starting to relax. He was okay. He was marrying Justin.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor,” the woman said. “Today is the beginning of the next chapter in their journey, as they join their lives together in marriage. It is my understanding that the two of you have written vows you wish to share with one another. I would like to invite you to share those at this time. Justin, would you like to go first?”

The blond nodded and looked directly into Brian’s eyes, smiling at him as he tightened his hands around Brian’s. Then, he began to speak.

“When I first went home with you, it was against what some might consider better judgment, on both of our parts,” Justin paused, looked at Michael, and laughed. “But I think from the moment I saw you, I knew you were the one for me. People told me it would never work. That we were wrong for each other. You told me that you didn’t believe in love. But I didn’t listen. And I’m so glad I didn’t. Even though we’ve had some rough times since that night we met on Liberty Avenue, through the process, I’ve uncovered the man who truly is the man of my dreams. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. You’re my partner, and most of all, my friend. And I couldn’t be happier to be spending the rest of my life with you. Whatever may come, we’ll get through it together. We always have, and we always will. I promise to keep you close. To be your support in times of need. To make you laugh. To hold you, love you, and always show you the respect and love you have always deserved.”

Even though Brian already knew Justin felt all of those things, hearing them uttered aloud made it all seem even more real. They were here, in front of their family and friends, declaring their love and commitment to each other. When Justin had first brought up the idea of writing their own vows, Brian had been resistant. He’d had a difficult enough time just getting to the point where he could say those three little words out loud -- and now Justin wanted him to write a paragraph to recite? Make some sweeping, romantic gesture? But Justin had begged and pleaded and looked at him with those big, blue eyes, and Brian had decided to stop arguing and see what he could come up with. And when he finally sat down to write them, after procrastinating for weeks, he found that the words just flowed out of him. How Justin had chipped away at his walls, why Brian had been so resistant at first, and why Justin meant so much to him and had for a while. Now, it was time to say the words -- out loud -- in front of those who were the closest to them. And it made Brian more anxious than he’d like to admit.

“And you, Brian?” the Justice said, gesturing toward him. He swallowed hard and blinked a few times, making up his mind that he wasn’t going to cry.

“I think all of us here -- well, most of us -- know that I didn’t exactly have the best model for marriage, growing up,” he said. “It kind of made me scared of it, to be honest. I didn’t know what love meant in a relationship, not really. So I said I didn’t believe in it, so I wouldn’t have to think about it. But you changed my mind, maybe earlier on than you’re aware of. Or maybe not. You were pretty persistent.” Brian paused and grinned at Justin, whose smile was more radiant today than Brian had ever seen it. “You showed me what love is. And I resisted it for a long time. Longer than I should have. But the universe keeps bringing us back to each other. I’ve been given a lot of second chances in life, and I’m not wasting this one. I love you. I have for a long time. Even when you might have thought I stopped, I didn’t. And I don’t want to ever stop. I want to be with you forever. No matter what. Everything that I have and everything that I am, belonged to you long before today. I promise that it will be yours forever. I will be yours forever.”

Justin wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, then replaced his hand on top of Brian’s. God, Brian had never seen the kid smile quite like that. It was clear on his face just how much it meant to Justin to be marrying Brian, and if Brian was being honest, it meant exactly the same to him.

“Brian,” the Justice continued, “do you take Justin as your beloved husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through laughter and sadness, and through challenges and successes, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” Brian said.

“Justin, do you take Brian as your beloved husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through laughter and sadness, and through challenges and successes, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do,” Justin said.

“Wedding rings are an outward symbol of the neverending, unbroken bond between two soulmates,” the Justice said. “By wearing these rings, you will be reminded of the connection you share, and the promises you made to one another today. Please repeat after me: I, Brian, give you, Justin, this ring as a symbol of my love for you.”

He lifted his right hand slowly off of his crutch, testing his balance before reaching out to take Justin’s ring from Michael, and putting it on Justin’s finger as he repeated the words.

“I, Justin, give you, Brian, this ring as a symbol of my love for you,” the officiant said.

Justin took Brian’s ring from Daphne, and slid it on Brian’s finger as he repeated the words.

They were finally wearing the rings that Brian had refused to return after their canceled wedding two years before. Maybe, on some level, he’d known that they would find their way back to each other someday. Now, they’d said the vows. They’d proven their love for one another in front of their family and friends. And they were united as one.

“Brian and Justin,” the officiant said, “by the power vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss the groom!”

Brian leaned in as far as he could, and Justin met him halfway, for the first kiss they’d shared while standing in over two years. Everyone around them was smiling, and the love in the room was abundant and evident. Brian wanted to remember this moment forever -- the moment he’d thought he’d never have, when he’d sent Justin off to New York two years before. The moment he was now thankful to have, even though the chain of events that had brought it about had been unconventional at best.

Now, they were married.

They shared a celebratory dinner -- complete with champagne and cake -- with the Pittsburgh contingent who had joined them today, before their friends sent them off together for the first time as a married couple. Justin wanted to see the Christmas tree at Boston Common, so they went for a stroll in the park as the sun set in the western sky. It reminded Brian of his trip to visit Justin in New York, when they had gone to Central Park. Only this time, he was struck with how much more comfortable he felt with who he was now, and how he moved through the world.

Darkness had fallen around them as they made their way to the tree. The tiny lights that adorned it illuminated the light coating of snow on the ground, casting their colors outward onto the stark white. Justin stood behind Brian and rested his hands on Brian's shoulders, as snow began to fall from the sky.

“It’s so beautiful,” Justin breathed.

Brian reached up and laid his hand over Justin’s.

“It is, Sunshine,” he said. “It really is.”

**Author's Note:**

> My beta, Sandi, was absolutely integral to helping me write the most important part of this wedding -- the vows! This was a very challenging story to write, because I wanted to give our boys the wedding they deserve. I hope I accomplished that.


End file.
